It’s four a.m., and I’m debating on whether or not to post about this week’s topic. Changes in my life? Well, the month of May certainly did bring extreme changes, and not the kind I ever expected. I’m still a little numb and focusing on taking one breath at a time. That’s where I am emotionally right now, as I try to navigate a brand new life — one I never imagined myself waking up to.
For the moment, I am taking refuge on a beautiful Florida beach with my children and my mother, determined to give my spirit the space it needs to heal. There really is something powerful about putting your toes into the water and letting the vast, deep waters remind you that you are just a wee little dash of protein — not much more — and that your problems don’t amount to anything when tossed into this infinite universe.
But I also feel a bit of hope when I enter the ocean with my children. Chasing waves, their laughter rises up above the spray and carries me to a better place. I imagine all the women who have stood on these shores, broken and battered and blue, searching for one small speck of sense within the madness, one tiny grain of hope.
Above me, endless sky. Before me, a world of sea. Behind me, too much pain to endure. So I look up, and ahead, and pray with all my soul that I can find the strength to survive this month of change. That I can understand the choices that make no sense and find a way to forgive the unforgiveable.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32